Personally, I suggest "Duck Tape"

And this isn't even the most extreme example of "what's the point" swimwear at this site. (Click photo to go there.)

You could pare these sticky triangles with their selection of "string ONLY" swimwear which might make you street-legal.

Personally, though, this is the sort of "absurdly obscene" clothing that makes me snicker instead of stare, and frankly, I think full frontal nudity is less of an offense against whatever community standards there might be than these bits of tape that might well be legally sufficient coverage in some jurisdictions.

That's the irony, of course, and that's why I draw your attention to this. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the trashy, nearly naked blond. Nothing whatsoever.